Tag: Raising little Brown Children

The privilege of having my son participate in cotillion

The privilege of having my son participate was more than learning the Waltz. It was cultivating friendships he would hopefully have for a lifetime. It was meeting new friends that he may end up with in college. He learned skills he could use in school, at business meetings, his wedding and on his job(s) in the future. It was creating a healthy network for him and letting him have fun while doing so. It set the tone for his activities to come. Of course, every mother’s dream is to have her child represent well-that is exactly what he did.

Many have participated in cotillions and many will in the future.  The reason I am so happy is that my son participated in a cotillion with other children that looked like him.  He was not invited to participate in the cotillion with his school friends or in that area, but he did participate in the Jack and Jill Cotillion, which gave children in the metropolitan area an opportunity to learn the Fox Trot, Waltz, and Tango.  He had the opportunity to participate in etiquette classes and socialize with other children who wanted those same opportunities.  One thing I noticed when we were shopping and preparing for the cotillion, others asked, “what is the occasion,” I was quite shocked at the response I received.  While many thought it was a wonderful opportunity, I had to face scrutiny from those I expected to be happy for him.  One person asked why I made him go through that and another questioned which one as if they were shocked he was participating in a cotillion.

Thankfully for us, he loves etiquette classes and cotillion.  I have a son that loves to dance and socialize.  He thrives from social interaction.  When we went to brunch as a cotillion social event, the waitress complimented him to me, saying, “your son is so polite.”  I was so appreciative of the compliment.  I began to notice it myself.  He was passing to the right; his elbows were not on the table and he even waited until we all had our food before he ate his own.  My eleven-year-old child was demonstrating what he learned and was thriving!  My money was not wasted and my heart was glad.

The privilege of having my son participate was more than learning the Waltz.  It was cultivating friendships he would hopefully have for a lifetime.  It was meeting new friends that he may end up with in college.  He learned skills he could use in school, at business meetings, his wedding and on his job(s) in the future.  It was creating a healthy network for him and letting him have fun while doing so.  It set the tone for his activities to come.  Of course, every mother’s dream is to have her child represent well-that is exactly what he did.

I am so appreciative of the Jack and Jill Cotillion and if you ever have an opportunity to allow your child to participate in a cotillion or take etiquette classes, I highly recommend it.

Kelly Johnson

Photo Credit- Hilary Grant Dixon

The day I found out my son had Tourette Syndrome

My son has Tourette’s. I will be completely honest; when I found out, I was upset; not devastated.  Like most children with Tourette syndrome, he was not born with this.  In fact, it developed around the tender age of 6.  He was smart, funny, lovable, and cute!!  He is my son.  He wanted to be a doctor!!  He is still all of these things and still wants to become a doctor.

Then one day, he started having vocal tics.  It sort of sounded like a squeal. Then it progressed to shoulder shrugging.  I felt so bad!  I reprimanded him because I thought he was telling me, “So; I don’t care.”  If you ever give your children instruction and they shrug their shoulders because they don’t believe you or don’t care to do what you asked, you may see this.  For my son, he was not being disrespectful. He could not help it.  He was sitting on the couch, happy and watching football and shrugging his shoulders.

For me, it was something else he had to go through as if being a brown male wasn’t enough.  Now he had Tourette’s. Let’s be real.  It is hard enough he could be discriminated against due to the beautiful color of skin, but to add a disability was even more alarming. I was determined to find a cure.  I started taking him to a top Neurologist, paying for massages and natural care.  It helped, but there really is not a cure.  I was told most boys develop this between the age of five and six and will usually outgrow it (or it is suppressed). However, there was not anything that would just cure it.  I was told the best surgeons have a tic.  I was told people rub their finger, twirl their hair, just to name a few.  All of this started to ease my mind. BUT…. MY son was getting worse; it was not going away.

I found myself defending him if someone said something. I found myself thinking adults were dumb.  “How can you not tell that is a tic?  Stop asking him if he is okay! That only causes attention to it.”

Then I decided my child was just like your child!  He is a kid that has friends, excels in school and enjoys doing the same things your children enjoy doing.  In fact, he articulates himself and writes very well. Keep in mind, he is eleven now. He plays chess and the guitar just to name a few.  He reads music and loves to computer code.  He loves video games.  He loves to play outside and loves to play with wrestlers. He loves sleepovers and traveling.  He can swim and he has parents that love him and support him. He does all the things other children do and he does it well.

Children with Tourette syndrome have an urge. It is like an itch that must be scratched. Many lose concentration, are restless and may have some obsessive-compulsive tendencies or impulse control.  They cannot help it.  We cannot just tell them to stop.  I learned his tics were agitated by allergies, being tired, grief, stress or nervousness. Learning the triggers helped tremendously. The fact that there is a wealth of information online also helped.  Also, my son’s Tourette syndrome can come and go and because of this many people may forget he has it.

I had to fix my attitude. No, it was not bad, but I needed to remind myself, there was nothing wrong with my child.  It is okay for him to not be perfect! We all want our children to be perfect.  Repeat after me, “It is okay if they are not perfect!” In fact, many of us have a subtle tic, we just don’t notice it; however, others may.  Guess what?  It is okay!  He is not perfect and neither are we. He is my beautiful brown child and he is perfect for me.

If I as his mother feel that it may bother him or be more noticeable in school, he will take his medicine.  I am not a fan of my child being on constant medication. Yes, I said that.  If he doesn’t tic, we come off of it during the summer months (under doctor’s discretion). We believe in massage and chiropractic therapy and even essential oils.  I am not advocating either way, but this works best for us! I treat him like any other child.  It is Tourette syndrome.  It is not contagious.  You cannot catch it.  He is a great friend.  He stands up to and for his friends and he lives with this.  Hopefully one day he will outgrow it but until he does, he is my son and I am his mother.  He is WONDERFUL!  He is AMAZING!  He has Tourette syndrome and that is okay!!!

Photo Credit- Jamaal Mayes

 

What is it like to be a mother of a little brown boy?

I am scared he might have to hold his hands up one day even though he is innocent. I am afraid that even though his Papa was a cop (my daddy), he may be harassed while driving. I stay on him about what people might do to him and how he should react. I will end here. Before I go, I want you all to know that being a mother of a young brown boy is more than the nice pictures you see. It is like having an asthma attack and never catching your breath…. because…….”I CAN’T BREATHE.”

What is it like being a mother of a little brown boy? Well, my parents (married and together) raised 5 girls. I didn’t have brothers. I was used to girls… but now, as I grew up, I learned people look at them (brown boys) differently. They assume most come from broken homes, they assume they are unaccustomed and loud. I have to say, “stay with me, stay close, hold mommy’s hand.” I cannot let him walk the neighborhood. Even if his friends (not of his race) at school are loud… or misbehaving, he is questioned first (not at his old school, but yes, at his new school…as much as I liked them…he was). I get to know his teachers, volunteer, join the PTA board. Sure, I like doing that stuff; it is who I am, but…… I also want them to know who we really are. We are not thugs! We come from the middle class – upper-middle-class families and we are accustomed! He is brown, but he does NOT steal nor does he curse nor is he naturally loud. He just wants to be an 11-year-old boy. He isn’t looking at your daughter; he doesn’t think like that at 9, 10 or 11. He is not “fresh.”

I foster his love for chess because it teaches him to THINK BEFORE HE MOVES in all areas of life. I put him in PALS (Police athletic league), so he could like cops and they could like him. He does all the things your children do: camps, vacations, nice experiences EXCEPT I have to watch him like a hawk. When he is 16, he cannot just go to the mall like I did when I was younger, he cannot go to Kings Dominion without a parent; he must be protected. My mother hates my personalized plates. I like them. The cops know I am an educator and a mom. If I have a backlight out (that I won’t see until I am told), they pull me over and say, “where do you teach?” They know kids might be in the truck. I have to think ahead; be in protect mode all the time. I am always trying to protect him while at the same time keeping him exposed. I am scared he might have to hold his hands up one day even though he is innocent. I am afraid that even though his Papa was a cop (my daddy), he may be harassed while driving. I stay on him about what people might do to him and how he should react. I will end here. Before I go, I want you all to know that being a mother of a young brown boy is more than the nice pictures you see. It is like having an asthma attack and never catching your breath…. because…….”I CAN’T BREATHE.”

Kelly Johnson