Author: raisinglittlebrownchildren

I am an educator, motivator, and public speaker. Most importantly, I am a mother who is passionate about providing security, exposure and opportunities for our youth. While although being part of a multi-racial family, one thing for sure is raising a brown child is different. No matter how you were raised, without a prejudice or judgmental bone in your body, the fears and stereotypes are different for brown children than any other race. My passion for equality and exposure has thrived as a result of this. I have made it my personal goal to expose our youth, share and provide opportunities for children that otherwise may not have particular opportunities.

I am a Black Woman

I am black. I am adjective and verb! I am proud of my blackness! Did you know how hard it is to be black? It is hard being a black educated woman. Try doing things RIGHT and the microaggression comes out to find fault with it. Try making a mistake and not being told “oh let me show you how to do it.” Instead, you get a nasty email with 10 people Cc’d. Try being black and getting followed in the store knowing you’re prepared to spend money but now you won’t because they are following you. Try being black and being told you’re “too aggressive” after you stayed silent for months and endured the microaggression but finally spoke up and defended yourself, now you’re aggressive or TOO BLACK. Try being a black mom sending your child to a predominantly white school. When something happens, guess who is blamed (UNTIL THE CAMERAS PROVE IT WASN’T HIM). Try walking into a store with your black son and wanting him to stay with you even though he’s 14 because of the color of his skin. Lord, it is hard being in this beautiful black skin! All the education, class, and dignity in the world….still makes me give my son the TALK EVERY SINGLE TIME HE LEAVES THE HOUSE. SEE MY CONVERSATIONS ARE DIFFERENT. They go like this: “If we are pulled over, mommy will roll down the Windows and put the lights in. Keep ur hands up the entire time. If stopped on the street and asked for ID, say you’re a minor and don’t have it… Ask to call your parents and lawyer. If you have it, don’t reach. Ask permission to reach. If they ask you to sign something at school, DONT!!  Let me handle it, but never sign anything without me being there to give you the okay.” The list goes on!! See it’s one thing to be black. It’s another to be big and black. Your blackness is seen as a threat. And often if you’re educated and black, that’s seen as a threat too. Some of yall will get that later. Some have no idea what I go through daily being a mother of a black male and being a black woman! Being black means waking up with images in your head you can’t unsee! If you stand with me and support me, thank you. I didn’t choose to be black, but I love being black. My name is Ms. Johnson and I am a black woman!blackwoman kelly pic

School’s out; Learning Doesn’t Stop!

One thing for sure, we all are feeling the effects of the pandemic – Covid-19.  Particularly parents are worried about their children.  Has learning stopped?  Will my child be prepared for the next grade? These are all valid questions.

The good thing is, all of our children are in the same boat.  This is also an opportunity to explain to children, just because school is out, learning doesn’t stop.  Distance learning and having to prioritize is a great precursor to give high school students a dose of college life.  This is what college is about- planning your time, prioritizing, and setting your own schedule to get it done!  In my previous post, we discussed ways to enjoy the outdoors during the lockdown.  For parents of elementary students, I want to encourage you to read to your children, read with your children, and encourage writing.  Give your children a topic to write about.  Ask how they are feeling and to write about the world as they see it now.  Asking them to write is beneficial to their literacy skills.  When you read with them, stop along the way and ask some questions (Who are the characters?  What just happened?  Is this book fiction or nonfiction?) My friend Stacey M. strikes again with her guided writing journals.  This may help children who may be stuck on “what to write.”  You can find  her journal here Guided Writing Journal

Remember, we are all in this together.  As you take that walk after a long day of cooking, doing the dishes, juggling working online from home and homeschooling the children, don’t forget to be grateful for all of the little blessings that come along the way.  Maybe we are spending more time eating together as a family. Maybe we actually have time to read to our children and just maybe we have time to actually ask each other, “how are you doing?”   I encourage you all to stop and smell the roses, pick up a good book and remember, school is out but learning never stops.

joy and K website

Checking on our children

Mom: “Come eat breakfast” as I set the table with their eggs and sausage.  The children sit down and eat.  There is laughter and giggles.  After eating, as we are all cleaning the kitchen, I noticed my son suddenly was still sitting at the table with a solemn look on his face.

As I observed, I noticed he was really fighting back tears.  I say, “what’s the matter, baby?  Are you okay?”  He nods, yes.  I keep cleaning the kitchen until I just cannot take it anymore.  I go over to him and he tells me he misses his friends, school and the routine.

WHOA!  Being completely honest, my son is in a safe house, has technology, air condition, heat, television, online classes (high school), has access to plenty of food, and has his family with him.  I knew all of this, but I still failed to ask him how he was feeling since abruptly being snatched from school and the outside world due to the COVID19 pandemic.

What a learning experience!  I had made sure he had everything he needed, but I never asked him, “how he was doing”  since the school closure. Now, every day, I make a point to ask my son, “how are you?”  I make a point to take a walk with him and keep him on a schedule.  He was previously on a schedule, but now more than ever, it is extremely important they have consistency.

At a certain time in their lives, our children may finally be confident with who they are and look forward to going to school, making decisions and displaying their leadership skills.  When it is all taken away in a matter of days, the mental health of our children can be at risk.  We often are concerned that we stay in shape physically, but don’t forget we must be sure our children are in shape mentally.

Many employers now are offering mental health services free of charge.  I encourage all to take advantage of this benefit if you have it.  Also, do not underestimate the power of some sunshine.  My friend, Stacey wrote, “Go Outside! 10 Ways to Enjoy the Outdoors During the Lockdown.”  I encourage you to visit this blog. Find it here.

We are all in this together.  Let your children know!

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Oh no! My child is missing senior prom and graduation due to COVID-19! Help!

Hello parents!  First, let me say I do not have a graduating senior and I am not going through this.  However, I do have a child and I do remember graduating and how special that moment was.  This must be devastating to some children and parents.  I have been wondering how we as a community could make this better for them, although the moment could never really be replaced!

I came up with a couple of options.  The first thought was, we need to push these graduations, proms, and celebrations to December.  Let those babies walk in December versus canceling the entire ceremony!  Unfortunately, this is not a decision I can make, but I can suggest something for parents.

Think of all the children not going to prom, all the dresses and suits bought and all the heartbreaks many children are experiencing.  It is unimaginable.  If you were going to plan your child a party anyway, what if we threw the children a graduation party that was prom like?  Yes, a formal graduation party!  Everyone wears their wold-have-been-prom attire.  There will be several mini proms going on to celebrate graduating at the same time.

This is nothing new, although slightly outdated now.  I actually had a formal graduation party and everyone had to wear a formal gown.  I am showing my picture here for ideas and giggles (told you it was outdated but definitely beautiful).

I was in a peach dress with a gorgeous fruit display!  I was so proud of my awards and you could not tell me anything that day!  I was so proud and just pranced in my high heel shoes.  If I still remember how that day made me feel, I can only imagine how we would make a child feel combining the two.

The late and great Jack Welch said “We must learn to celebrate small wins” and we must definitely celebrate great accomplishments.  This is one of those moments!  Let’s celebrate our children and show them whether it is May, June or December how proud we are of them!

Parents, you can do this!  Don’t let those prom dresses go to waste.  Formals are back in style for parties!

 

graduation

 

 

Kids are home from school- Help! #Ourkidsread

As many parents are so accustomed to dropping the children off at school for 5-8 hours a day, schools are now closed due to the pandemic (COVID-19).  Most middle and elementary (and private) schools are participating in virtual learning and have assignments, morning meetings and must log in to the computer daily.  What about our elementary babies?  Should our children’s learning just stop?!  Absolutely not! I decided to give you a lesson plan to help struggling readers or children beginning to read. Small group reading lesson plan The worksheets to go along with the lesson plan are here: Read it /Build it worksheet 

The lesson plans are not affiliated with a school or locality.  They are for you from me.

Read it write it build it designed by K. CrowderLetters for cutting for letter sounds1st grade letter sounds lesson plan

Enjoy!

Kelly

 

 

Philando Castile and Why Raising Little Brown Children Can be Scary

The conversation in my house is a lot different.  It goes like this: “Baby, if pulled over, and you are in the back, put your hands on the head rest where they can be seen, see but don’t see, look up, take your headphones out, be quiet, don’t play the music loud, don’t put the hood on, if stopped by an officer, what would you do, say this, if this happens, honey, let’s talk, you cannot go, stay with mommy, what happened at school today, did anyone say anything to you, no you cannot play with a mask, take it off, no toy guns, the water gun has to be bright orange”  The list goes on and on.  

Let’s have a very real conversation.  I am the daughter of a former officer.  Many of my closest friends are officers.  I am a firm believer they should be thanked, respected and they are definitely needed.

Now, as a mother, I have a different perspective.  My gentle giant is often just viewed as a big black boy.  Coming from a multi-racial family, even though we don’t see color, I do see color.  I am raising a brown child.  The conversation in my house is a lot different.  It goes like this: “Baby if pulled over, and you are in the back, put your hands on the headrest where they can be seen, see but don’t see, look up, take your headphones out, be quiet, don’t play the music loud, don’t put the hood on, if stopped by an officer, what would you do, say this, if this happens, honey, let’s talk, you cannot go, stay with mommy, what happened at school today, did anyone say anything to you, no you cannot play with a mask, take it off, no toy guns, the water gun has to be bright orange”  The list goes on and on.

Raising a brown child, I literally live with my heart beating extremely fast anytime he is not with me.  What if he is in the car with his father (a black male)?  When I see this video and read this article, I can only think, “how reckless!”  The officer killed an innocent man, could have killed the woman, the child, and the other officer on the other side of the car.  To shoot like that was nothing but reckless!  Why must our black men be feared; why is it okay to just take them away from this earth and their families?  This article is exactly why we say, Black Lives Matter.” We know others do too, but right now we are talking about ours.

Rest in peace to the man who worked for the public school system, who memorized over five hundred names and who memorized all of their food allergies.  You, sir, are the real hero; the real MVP!  My heart won’t stop aching over this.

And when the little girl begged her mom, “I don’t want you to get shooted.”  She is four years old!!!  Find it here

Dancing with my son

Oh, the joy I receive when I dance with my son! The smile on his face is priceless. It was more than giggles. It was the fact that he could dance! He was polite and wanted to lead the dance like a gentleman. I specifically remember our first little dance. He was four years old. We first attended a mother and son/ father and daughter ball that winter and then that summer attended a cookout. I made him so happy by taking him and dancing with him. Then, every year for 6 years, we attended the same mother and son ball. We also danced at his cotillion.

It doesn’t have to be formal events. It can be cookouts to your kitchen floor. Children remember experiences and this has been our experience!

I ask myself, will he remember the two of us dancing at ages 4, 8 and 10 once he is 25 and 35? I started recording our dances, so he would always have a memory. I encourage all to dance with your sons and daughters.

dancing with my son

Raising a man

Don’t let this title fool you. I don’t mean raising a man that is already grown, a 30, 40 or 50 year old man who should be taking care of his responsibilities. Nor do I mean taking care of a man that is not sick and fully capable of taking care of himself. I am speaking of raising your little Princes. Yes, our sons! Your son is the world’s next man..the world’s next leader. Why not treat them as such?! See, we are not raising kids. We are raising our future!

Don’t let this title fool you.  I don’t mean raising a man that is already grown; a 30, 40 or 50 year old man who should be taking care of his responsibilities.  Nor do I mean taking care of a man that is not sick and fully capable of taking care of himself.  I am speaking of raising your little Princes.  Yes, our sons!  Your son is the world’s next man..the world’s next leader.  Why not treat them as such?!  See, we are not raising kids.  We are raising our future!

I had these little pet names for my son and he recently told me, “no, mom!”  How devastating!  He was growing up.  He no longer wanted to be called, “stinka butt.” Shshsh don’t tell him I told!  I had to come to grips that it is okay to love, protect, hug and even kiss your son, but do we coddle?  Do we let them settle some of their own disputes?  With proper guidance and stepping in only when necessary, it is good to let children make some age appropriate decisions and settle their own disputes.  I always knew this, but it took me a while to let him settle his own disputes.  They were few and far, but the bottom line is I wanted him to be able to solve conflict and get along with others.  A book was recommended to me by a friend.  That book was “How to Raise an Adult” by Julie Lythcott-Haims.  It was a hard reality to realize we might be “over-parenting.”  This is the exact word used by the author.  It hit home.  For that reason alone, it is easy to realize that we are raising raising the world’s next men, adults and leaders. When we remember our sons may be the next CEOs, engineers, entrepreneurs,  bankers, educators, and Presidents we  certainly help them to thrive with their leadership skills. I am certainly not saying it is okay to stop being a parent.  That is never okay.  I am simply saying, we are raising men.  We need our sons and we need our men.

Kelly Johnson

The privilege of having my son participate in cotillion

The privilege of having my son participate was more than learning the Waltz. It was cultivating friendships he would hopefully have for a lifetime. It was meeting new friends that he may end up with in college. He learned skills he could use in school, at business meetings, his wedding and on his job(s) in the future. It was creating a healthy network for him and letting him have fun while doing so. It set the tone for his activities to come. Of course, every mother’s dream is to have her child represent well-that is exactly what he did.

Many have participated in cotillions and many will in the future.  The reason I am so happy is that my son participated in a cotillion with other children that looked like him.  He was not invited to participate in the cotillion with his school friends or in that area, but he did participate in the Jack and Jill Cotillion, which gave children in the metropolitan area an opportunity to learn the Fox Trot, Waltz, and Tango.  He had the opportunity to participate in etiquette classes and socialize with other children who wanted those same opportunities.  One thing I noticed when we were shopping and preparing for the cotillion, others asked, “what is the occasion,” I was quite shocked at the response I received.  While many thought it was a wonderful opportunity, I had to face scrutiny from those I expected to be happy for him.  One person asked why I made him go through that and another questioned which one as if they were shocked he was participating in a cotillion.

Thankfully for us, he loves etiquette classes and cotillion.  I have a son that loves to dance and socialize.  He thrives from social interaction.  When we went to brunch as a cotillion social event, the waitress complimented him to me, saying, “your son is so polite.”  I was so appreciative of the compliment.  I began to notice it myself.  He was passing to the right; his elbows were not on the table and he even waited until we all had our food before he ate his own.  My eleven-year-old child was demonstrating what he learned and was thriving!  My money was not wasted and my heart was glad.

The privilege of having my son participate was more than learning the Waltz.  It was cultivating friendships he would hopefully have for a lifetime.  It was meeting new friends that he may end up with in college.  He learned skills he could use in school, at business meetings, his wedding and on his job(s) in the future.  It was creating a healthy network for him and letting him have fun while doing so.  It set the tone for his activities to come.  Of course, every mother’s dream is to have her child represent well-that is exactly what he did.

I am so appreciative of the Jack and Jill Cotillion and if you ever have an opportunity to allow your child to participate in a cotillion or take etiquette classes, I highly recommend it.

Kelly Johnson

Photo Credit- Hilary Grant Dixon

The day I found out my son had Tourette Syndrome

My son has Tourette’s. I will be completely honest; when I found out, I was upset; not devastated.  Like most children with Tourette syndrome, he was not born with this.  In fact, it developed around the tender age of 6.  He was smart, funny, lovable, and cute!!  He is my son.  He wanted to be a doctor!!  He is still all of these things and still wants to become a doctor.

Then one day, he started having vocal tics.  It sort of sounded like a squeal. Then it progressed to shoulder shrugging.  I felt so bad!  I reprimanded him because I thought he was telling me, “So; I don’t care.”  If you ever give your children instruction and they shrug their shoulders because they don’t believe you or don’t care to do what you asked, you may see this.  For my son, he was not being disrespectful. He could not help it.  He was sitting on the couch, happy and watching football and shrugging his shoulders.

For me, it was something else he had to go through as if being a brown male wasn’t enough.  Now he had Tourette’s. Let’s be real.  It is hard enough he could be discriminated against due to the beautiful color of skin, but to add a disability was even more alarming. I was determined to find a cure.  I started taking him to a top Neurologist, paying for massages and natural care.  It helped, but there really is not a cure.  I was told most boys develop this between the age of five and six and will usually outgrow it (or it is suppressed). However, there was not anything that would just cure it.  I was told the best surgeons have a tic.  I was told people rub their finger, twirl their hair, just to name a few.  All of this started to ease my mind. BUT…. MY son was getting worse; it was not going away.

I found myself defending him if someone said something. I found myself thinking adults were dumb.  “How can you not tell that is a tic?  Stop asking him if he is okay! That only causes attention to it.”

Then I decided my child was just like your child!  He is a kid that has friends, excels in school and enjoys doing the same things your children enjoy doing.  In fact, he articulates himself and writes very well. Keep in mind, he is eleven now. He plays chess and the guitar just to name a few.  He reads music and loves to computer code.  He loves video games.  He loves to play outside and loves to play with wrestlers. He loves sleepovers and traveling.  He can swim and he has parents that love him and support him. He does all the things other children do and he does it well.

Children with Tourette syndrome have an urge. It is like an itch that must be scratched. Many lose concentration, are restless and may have some obsessive-compulsive tendencies or impulse control.  They cannot help it.  We cannot just tell them to stop.  I learned his tics were agitated by allergies, being tired, grief, stress or nervousness. Learning the triggers helped tremendously. The fact that there is a wealth of information online also helped.  Also, my son’s Tourette syndrome can come and go and because of this many people may forget he has it.

I had to fix my attitude. No, it was not bad, but I needed to remind myself, there was nothing wrong with my child.  It is okay for him to not be perfect! We all want our children to be perfect.  Repeat after me, “It is okay if they are not perfect!” In fact, many of us have a subtle tic, we just don’t notice it; however, others may.  Guess what?  It is okay!  He is not perfect and neither are we. He is my beautiful brown child and he is perfect for me.

If I as his mother feel that it may bother him or be more noticeable in school, he will take his medicine.  I am not a fan of my child being on constant medication. Yes, I said that.  If he doesn’t tic, we come off of it during the summer months (under doctor’s discretion). We believe in massage and chiropractic therapy and even essential oils.  I am not advocating either way, but this works best for us! I treat him like any other child.  It is Tourette syndrome.  It is not contagious.  You cannot catch it.  He is a great friend.  He stands up to and for his friends and he lives with this.  Hopefully one day he will outgrow it but until he does, he is my son and I am his mother.  He is WONDERFUL!  He is AMAZING!  He has Tourette syndrome and that is okay!!!

Photo Credit- Jamaal Mayes